New Year’s Resolutions

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Most dull men don’t need to make resolutions. The DMC is a two-step program (not a twelve-step program): (1) We admit we are dull. (2) We’re going to keep it that way. We like the way we are.

But, if you think you need to make a few resultions, perhaps only to fine-tune a few behaviors, here are suggestions that have come in to us over the years:

  • Floss more
  • Clean slippers regularly
  • Arrange refrigerator by sell-by dates at least once a month
  • Make certain staplers are full
  • Check batteries
  • Phone mother
  • Brush our Hush Puppies nightly
  • Check on slippers
  • Eat Velveeta instead of brie
  • Drink club soda instead of Perrier
  • If tempted to eat some Ben and Jerry’s, eat only their vanilla (it’s wonderful [exclamation point removed])
  • Balance checkbook
  • Check slippers again.

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